Expecto Patronus!

Every time I go back to Potterverse, I can’t help but admire how large an impact does a lot of little details in it have in getting us through the dark times. Maybe that’s why going back to Harry Potter series is always a comfort.

It is crazy how J. K. Rowling could build a world that my heart refuses to believe it as work of fiction. Maybe it exists in real and we don’t know it. But there is something that she has given us in the story which we Muggles could very well practice even though we can’t perform magic. It is about the most ancient and a mysterious charm that conjures a magical guardian, which is formed upon the projection of a most positive feeling – Expecto Patronus. The Patronus charm, as we know, is used to drive off the Dementors.

And what exactly are “Dementors“?

Professor Lupin: “… they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope and happiness out of the air around them.. Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself… soulless and evil. You will be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.”

Harry Potter: “And how do you conjure it?”

Professor Lupin: “With an incantation, which will work only if you are concentrating, with all your might, on a single, very happy memory.”

—- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Doesn’t it all sound too familiar? The hooded demonic creatures in Potterverse that drain peace, hope and happiness out of a person is perhaps the invisible anxiety and depression that feeds on our mental decay and despair. The absurd representation it builds in the mind by travestying the life only makes one feel that the suffering is endless.

This isn’t even unreal. One of the basic first remedies that Counselors or any study suggest to battle the anxieties, self-doubt and depression is to maintain a gratitude journal. What exactly does a gratitude journal do?

Gratitude journal does nothing more but help you think of events and things one is thankful for, one is happy that it happened, one cherishes in the mind and maintain a log of it in a book. The journal, when made a task to do, helps one stimulate the thoughts to pin upon positive feelings to fill in the pages, writing about it imprints it further and referring a documented log helps you remember the good things so the Dementors in your head can be fend away.

Anxiety or depression, just like a Dementor feeds on miseries. It makes you focus only over negatives in the life, it trivializes each and every happiness or success that one has achieved over time. Feeding on your shortcomings only makes it stronger and the stronger it becomes, more it drains you out from the inside.

The co-relation of this charm to fend off a grim creature in this book has probably given one of the most important lesson for us to learn i.e. to practice this charm – Expecto Patronus. To rekindle the old magic that’s hidden within us, to master the art of being able to pull out a positive memory even in the worst of times and in front of worst of circumstances to fight the Dementors in the head with the Patronus.

It can get difficult in the start but let us try working on it, and whenever possible, create many more stronger positive memories that we could use it in fighting the dark times.

Someone to talk to

Back when I was 15 years old, one of my friend opened up to me about a close family friend who tried to take advantage of her. Both my friend’s and that boy’s (who would be about 20 years old back then) family were thick friends since childhood. It was really disturbing for my friend who would visit their house so often, consider that boy as her rakhi-brother to realize what was on that boy’s mind.

A lot of us our conditioned to think about our parents, the relationships maintained since years and the people. Most of the time, when facing harassment, the society has conditioned us to first feel guilty as if we are responsible for it. We try to justify or reason why it happened at first place, what went wrong, what did we do wrong. Even if we reach a point to process that we are the victim, we then think of the effects on our loved ones by calling out the abuse.

When she opened up to me, she required someone to listen. I don’t think I was really matured to address this as my instant reaction was to force her to confess to parents. It seemed like the most logical reply but timing was the issue. My friend knew the solution, she knew she will need to tell her parents but at that time, she just needed a ear.

As time went by, she slowly reduced talking to me and eventually cut off all communication for almost a year. It was only 3 years later, that I realized what had I done to push her away. At a time when she needed someone to talk to, someone to listen to her, I kept turning a deaf ear to her situation and kept talking. I can’t fathom how lonely she would have felt back then, would she have felt like talking to someone else or would have feared that the next person will also refuse to listen.

Today, sometime back the news of Sushant Singh Rajput’s death by suicide came on the news. The reason as I gather is that he suffered from clinical depression since sometime. To that, my entire social media is flooded with people asking everyone to talk to your family, friends and open your heart. Some even calling out that suicide is not the option.

This is probably the same mistake everyone does which I did back then. Ready to talk but not listen. Ready to advice but not understand. Ready to conclude but not feel. You can’t really blame people for this ignorance. Mental health as a public health emergency is ratified by people only now and we are far behind the race on trying to control it as compared to how it is speedily affecting.

But we need action and just talking is not a solution when most of people have not learnt to listen. Social media has further widened this gap as communication in person is a trait lost by people to electronic banter. Which is why, how badly we need sex education to address the rising physical crime, how badly we need sports in schools to address the reduced phyical activity for children, we must be pushing hard the mental health awareness sessions to address people’s ignorance on the causes of the issue and improve the ability of people to listen, sympathize and empathize. We are a country that teaches children but doesn’t listen to them and hence, today we are a population that is best at teaching others on what to do but not remotely good at listening to them.

There will never be ‘someone to talk to’ for people who wants to be heard, unless we really come out with ‘someone to listen to you’. This is probably the easiest first step that we can inculcate ourselves. If you are that someone today, trying to process this news of someone so popular, good looking, giving beautiful performances in critically acclaimed movies having lost battle to depression, please do not go out typing – you should go talk to friends, family, but lend out a ear and say, I’m there to listen to you. If nothing, in this Covid-19 lockdown, help with virtual stress-eating – Trust me ice cream is the answer 🙂

Sides.

Are you confused? Are you living with the guilt of misplaced opinions compared to masses? Are you finding it difficult to make sense of conflicting truths you’re presented upon?

If you’re feeling any of the above, toh zinda ho tum!

While activism has reached the last man due to the platform provided by social media, it has also opened gates for misinformation, rumors, fear mongering and propaganda. This very dark effect of social media is why you must be careful before getting influenced by news feed and before you act stupid and strain real relationships with people over difference of opinion.

One must remember that all the content you absorb daily is a result of an algorithm that make you read similar stories of the impression you left on the internet with your surfing, activities, subscriptions and sometimes conversations. The other important aspect is that political parties at either end of the political spectrum will try to create a crises in order to spring back into the power or retain itself at that position as suites the best to their interests.

And hence, it becomes increasingly important for one to indulge in dialogue and prevent acting all egoistic, jingoistic and hyperventilating to every question challenging your morals and social understanding of the issues in the media. To tackle this, you just need to follow few basic guidelines —

#1 You are entitled to change your stand. Irrespective of how you started, with more information and clarity or understanding on the issue, you definitely can have a different stand and it doesn’t matter if someone calls you out for it. Agitation shouldn’t be watertight that it weighs you down to follow only one principle blindly. If you happen to do that, you are playing into the hands of the powerful who are trying to achieve their ends through your means.

#2 Read both sides of the opinions to understand the reaction better. You may not have had enough experiences in life to be sensitive to a certain aspect that someone else understands much better and with greater clarity. You must also remember that a lot of times, people are fighting fears of different time, era and source. For e.g. Someone is fighting to prevent the country from repeating third reich whereas someone is fighting to protect the country from the lense of direct action day. In this age of name-calling and coloring individuals from their opinion, the dialogue has been done away with and everything that people cling on to is giving labels, threats and marking the next person as ‘the other’

#3 Indulge in dialogue. Agree to disagree over certain matters but refrain from getting personal over matters that are discussed in media. You don’t need have the same opinions at your family dinner table, does it mean you abandon your family?

#4 Lastly, be constructive in your dissent. Do not play into violence that some groups try to ignite over every protest. If you happen to do that, the real reasons are lost and all that is concentrated on is violence. Distraction is an essential tool to divert attention onto things of no importance so one can move swiftly in implementing the other. Be alert, be aware and be woke, but by careful reading of for and against opinions and not letting yourself stumble into blind following. Be careful before your choose your Sides.

Correction

Why do we always end up believing that a strong law and order is enough deterrence for a person to commit crime. While I am not downplaying the need for stringent punishment and robust mechanism to trial of an accused, the serious question lies in how do you stop a person from committing a crime when the act according to him is nothing but a corrective treatment met to his version of wrong done by the Victim, when his act is nothing less than a call from the divine, that his act is to clean the society he is living in of all the western evils or that his act is to teach someone an essential lesson.

In the aftermath of Hyderabad rape, the entire social media was filled with “Hang the rapist”, “Chemically castrate them” and so on. Most of the people around me felt that the increasing sexual crime is a result of an inadequate or absence of appropriate legal machinery in place which tends to be giving the perpetrators a free hand and fearless pursuit in committing the heinous act. Even if the legal infrastructure is present, it is slow to the extent that one would feel there isn’t any. The entire national uproar met a sudden slumber once the accused were encountered while trying to escape from police custody, acknowledging it as justice is met.

I think one of the most ignorant fact here is not trying to plug the source, understand and deal with it at its inception. Post the Hyderabad incident (well, actually after every incident that gets highlighted in the media), we often find some independent news agencies going around asking the common men in different parts of the country across the age group or even the lawmakers in the parliament and the village heads at panchayats as to what exactly they feel causes rape and the answers would briefly come down to the following excuses for rising sexual crimes:

• It is the western influence, the movies and the shows, dressing style and use of mobile phone and internet
• Going out alone with group of boys or going for parties
• She asked for it by her conduct, stepping out of the house in late night
• The worst one being – Eating chowmein and a former chief minister of India’s largest state casually stating that Boys make mistakes with a “big deal” shrug

AND THAT’S WHERE WE ARE COMMITTING A BIG ERROR.

Ignoring to identify the potential rapist mentality among all the people who give such reasons or present such arguments that the victim could have avoided a crime or that victim asked for it, we are forgetting to address the upbringing, the social structure, unquestioned family / customary practices and the lack of awareness which gets a culprit to think that whatever he is doing is right for the society, that he is punishing the person who is adopting western culture over his version of culture, is teaching a lesson to someone going against the boundaries set by the family or community or that he thought the women is asking for it basis her exercising the freedom of movement and clothing. Why would these culprits who think they’re on a divine duty, that they’re playing the role to uphold their beliefs of being righteous ever fear the law, irrespective of how deterrent it would be.

While we need to address the issue of slow trials, police harassment of victims and also make certain laws too stringent to create fear as creating an effective infrastructure, it is time, we start addressing the issue of lack of moral education, absence of sex education, silence on marital rape, silence on child abuse (there are researches to prove that children with unresolved sexual trauma are likely to be abusers when they grow up or indulge in violence), awareness through religious and cultural centers the importance of consent and the crime, call out the casual sexism at home that are too easy to be ignored while growing up, call out casual sexism even in the ads or movies that seek to glorify it and to summarize it, ‘don’t teach your daughter on how to be careful, teach your son to behave’.

Till the time people continue to blame the victim in their first instinct, our society will never be able to effectively tackle the rising sexual crimes. We need some correction in finding the root cause and maybe, we could start by dealing with such mentality around us whenever faced with it.

Little Things

Isn’t it beautiful to come across a TV Show or a movie that relates to you so much, from emotions to dialogues that you have multiple deja-vus while watching it, or from specific events to the reactions that you could easily remember getting it the last time you tried to deal with the uncertainty and confusion of maturing adulthood.

The most important thing these shows do is to make you feel that you’re not alone who hasn’t figured out, who is confused and trying to make sense of what’s going on, who is probably late in striking when everyone around is, supposedly, making an “impact”, who is struggling between individualism and collectivism, who is trying to reach a state of “figured out” so as to move to settling down, who is fighting the stability mindset of the earlier generation and trying to fit into the “find your purpose – follow your calling” trend of the coming generation.

I happened to first catch the show – Little Things  released first on YouTube channel while sitting in Ola Cab who only offered some 10 shows in its Prime Play Cabs. Less than 20 minute shows with cute couple things have grown into such a serious and meaningful show in its 3rd season released on Netflix that you’d feel like wanting to go meet Dhruv Sehgal for his brilliant story telling and hug him for bringing this to your weekend binge.

The show revolves around the protagonist, Dhruv and Kavya trying to figure their future, worry about parents, face the challenges of long distance relationship especially when both find a purpose beyond the relationship, the past that made them what they are today and realizing their happy place.

All the 8 episodes have some of the most hard hitting scenes, especially the one where Kavya scrolls through her contact list to find a person she can hang out with when her friend cancels on the plan last moment, the one where Dhruv’s mother breaks into tears stating that as parents they were figuring out things too, like everyone around them were and in the process even they made some mistakes which could have been avoided and better things could have been done but that whatever they did, they gave their best, the one where Kavya’s mother makes us realize that “me-time” has no age to the one where Kavya realized that the parents are getting old and the worry that strikes you, to the one where you realize, that it is not necessary that people who are in love will always find happiness in each other but it is important that both of them let each other grow and have the ability to love other people and care about stuff beyond each other too.

This has been one of the most wholesome show I have seen this year. Also one, where I ended each episode either with moist eyes or lump in the throat. Thank you to the entire cast and crew, especially Dhruv Sehgal and Mithila Palkar for this feeling.

Image Credits: IMDb.com

 

 

 

 

 

Of Pen-friends and distant friends.

December 2014, I boarded a train from Rajkot to Mumbai alone. Travelling alone on such long journeys give you two opportunities. First being, introspect for there is little you can do without thinking deep when sitting alone for long hours and second being interacting with fellow passengers. My compartment was being shared by a traditional old family so I had to chose the first option until evening, a passenger boarded who had his reservation opposite to my seat. Turned out that man was a backpacker, hitchhiker and an avid traveler. WOW! Just the type of person I would love to speak to.

He was a Doctor by profession who took a mandatory one month off every year to travel the world. These people are full of stories and you would want your journey to never come to an end. He would tell me about where were the best parties held and how he made new friends in each country. How he would cut down on costs so that he can visit multiple places. Those shady hotels that he has to stay in sometime or sleeping hungry for he would spend lavishly elsewhere. The hitchhiking and thrill involved. That how sometimes he visits back those countries only to spend time with his distant friends. Also the negative side of this being how he has been looted at different times or about how his family keeps calling him a crazy irresponsible man for draining away yearly savings into travelling.

I have never had friends outside my city except a few of them whom I have met at work or academic courses. Also, the last time I had a Pen-friend was in 2010 from whom I haven’t heard since long. However, I love the prospect of having friends spread across the globe. The prospect of you visiting them, knowing their culture and way of life, knowing different perceptions and tasting different delicacies.  I still remember the excitement and endless wait of receiving post cards from my Pen-friend in France which later got shifted to E-mail conversations. It is a different and exhilarating feeling. I believe chance encounters are more cherish-able than forced ones. So let’s hope, life throws me some really interesting Pen-friends ahead in my life. 🙂

Doctors? Really?

A video of two men from Chennai indulged in a horrific act of throwing a puppy from terrace of a building has gone viral in last two days. What is more disturbing is that both the boys are students studying medicine from a college in Chennai, Tamil Nadu. I am not going to post the video here for it is extremely disturbing.

The video consists of a man holding a puppy and smiling in the video and the next moment, flings it from the terrace. This slow motion video ends with a painful cry of the puppy, who by God’s grace has been found alive and is being treated.

The face of the video, Gautham Sudarshan was months way from becoming a Doctor. Really, a DOCTOR? A profession that trains individuals to save lives? The Humane Society International / India (HSI)’s deputy director Alokparna Sengupta said that based on current laws, the offenders could walk away with a meager fine of Rs. 10 or max Rs. 50 (Not even 1 Dollar). Although they have appealed the Ministry of Environment and Forests (MoEF) to increase the penalties, it will be really depressing to see these boys being let off so easily.

The recent update is that both of them who were absconding have been nabbed but are out on bail. This is an update by the animal activist who is relentlessly trying to bring justice to Bhadra (the name that the institution has given to the dog), “Those criminals have come out on BAIL. This is how “strong” the animal welfare laws are. With video evidence and so much of public outrage we couldn’t remand them even for one day . We are extremely disappointed and it’s a “Black Day” for Animal Welfare in India. However , we will keep fighting and try and get the police to file the charge sheet.”

During the times like these, it makes you question the relevance of law and order in your country and what would it take or how much time will it take to make them relevant and robust. I hope an apt punishment is awarded to these bastards (If it was in my hands, I’d want them to suffer the same act they inflicted on their poor animal) and our lax institutions come out of their 2 centuries redundant laws and make them relevant for the time being in force.

PRAY FOR BHADRA.

Source: India.com

The Purge.

Last week, my friend gave me a DVD of the first movie in Purge series. The concept was horrendous. This apparently a ‘social science fiction horror‘ film is a story where the new founding fathers of America sanctions a national civic tradition called ‘The Purge’ during which all police, fire and medical emergency services will be suspended. The movie spoke that this concept has been successful plummeting employment rates to 1%, lower crime and a strong economy. However, there are some rules; restrictions prohibit government officials ‘ranking 10’ from being disturbed, as well as the use of weapons above class 4 such as rocket launchers and bazookas. What you will notice in the movie and is repeated too quite a lot of times that the only victims to this purge are the poor, the vulnerable ones who cannot protect themselves. Come to think of it, I am sure you will be thanking your stars that such a thing is not in reality.

But is it so? Open a newspaper and you will see Purge happening day and night, each day at different corners of the world. Everyday some new shooting, beheading or bombing. Who is the victim? The homeless ones, the poor and vulnerable people who cannot protect themselves. Who doesn’t get disturbed? The high ranking officials. Hardly anyone gets punished for half the world sides with one type of terrorism where other half condemns it. Terms of Good Terrorism and Bad Terrorism is in force. After every attack when someone starts a social media trend of #PrayForTheVictim, there is other side which rejoices in the cold blooded murder and term they deserved it. It is a sick mentality which sanctions or justifies murder.

“There are perhaps many causes worth dying for, but to me, certainly, there are none worth killing for.”   ― Albert Dietrich, Army GI, Pacifist CO: The World War II Letters of Frank and Albert Dietrich

I wonder when will this world realize the results of what is happening. When will there be a stop to all of this. When will this world consider killing an innocent to be a crime, for whatsoever reasons or whatever nationality or culture or tradition that person belongs to.

And for those who find this movie’s concept interesting, read about Direct Action Day and Great Calcutta Killings or The week of long knives. It was no less than a Purge as shown in the movie. Violence never serves the purpose, it only destroys. Most of the countries that justified or reasoned a terrorist attack in Asian countries for last many years are facing the same monsters in their homeland today but sadly, maturity still appears to be light years away.

A Syrian said, “We pray 6 prayers a day now; Fajr, Dhuhr, Asr, Maghrib, Isha and Janazah [Funerals].

Really, when will this stop?

Map of the Introvert’s Heart

Source: Unknown

I found this image while scrolling through old photos to free up space in my SD Card and I couldn’t help sharing this image with you people 😀

And they had fun.

Last evening, I met a guy who had come all the way from a small town in Madhya Pradesh. While we had a small talk about how is it here and how is he finding the city of dreams, he told me about his last weekend trip to Tiger Point, Lonavala. For the ones who do not hail from Maharashtra, This place is one of the hot spot location to be as the monsoon commences or even in winter. Be it early morning, evening or even late midnight or at 4 a.m., you will find this place bustling with people who drive there in their private cars or tourist vehicles, smoking hookah, drinking, having campfires and dancing on the music or eating Maggi and Pakodas.

What was interesting is how this man traveled there. He took a train to Lonavala from Mumbai and from there, he took an auto rickshaw to get to this place. This was really new for I have never ever heard people do this or even able to do this for Tiger Point, quite evidently, is located at an altitude. When I asked him why such a route? His answer was a simple, we couldn’t find a reasonable travel option and we 3 friends wanted to have fun. Undoubtedly they enjoyed the experience and honestly, what else matters anyway? I have known so many plans getting dumped for trivial reasons or sometimes because cost goes too high and then I see these bunch of young lads, not giving two hoots to usual norms, find an alternative route and embark.

I have come to really admire these guys for making their weekend happening. A lot of times, having fun is quite easy but all that we get entangled in and eventually spoil it up is trying to sparkle the process of having fun.

View from Lion’s Point, Lonavala, Maharashtra, India

For the ones who haven’t visited this place or never known and wish to go, here’s the guide which you can scroll through before making your decision, courtesy MakeMyTrip.com –– https://www.tripadvisor.in/Attraction_Review-g608474-d2624814-Reviews-Lion_s_Point-Lonavala_Maharashtra.html